I technically (that is another story) started my weight loss journey January of 2014, when I bought the Insanity workout dvd's off of a Facebook selling group. I dove head first into the 60 day challenge. I am not going to lie, this was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I pushed hard. There were days that I would pause the workout and sit in the floor and cry, pray, and beg to make it through. I used Facebook to my advantage. Each day that I would finish a workout I would post 'Day such and such of Insanity completed'. Friends started encouraging me and keeping up with my progress. I will admit that even though I was losing inches and my body was changing, I was getting discouraged. You see, I actually gained weight during Insanity. Yes, I do know that muscle weighs more than fat, but it is still a mental thing.
As time went on, my clothes got looser and the number on the scale went down. I have now lost 45+ lbs since this time last year. Well, how can it be that when I look in the mirror I still see the same girl looking back at me that I did 12 months ago? No changes.
I have struggled with self-esteem issues for most, if not all, of my life. Most of the time I just feel awkward and invisible. I did, however, have sort of an epiphany a few days ago. I was looking through old pictures on my phone and I realized how different that I looked then. It was then that I decided to do what I think was one of the bravest things I have ever done. I took a full body mirror 'selfie' and placed it to the right of a picture that was taken of me a almost a year before and uploaded it to Facebook. I got so much positive feedback from it! It was a major boost to my confidence and just what I needed to keep me on track.
The biggest problem that I think I have is how I perceive myself. Posting those pictures on Facebook was a major breakthrough. I have never done anything like that before, because I am the kind of person who is constantly thinking about what other people think about me. My mind is always racing and I over think things. It is something I am trying to work on.
This brings me to my next point about mirrors. So, I told you how I still see the same girl looking back at me when I look into the mirror. When you look in a mirror, or even when you have a photograph, you are seeing a reflection of 'you'. You never truly see yourself, you only see a reflection of yourself, and what you see is not what other people see. To end, I got a fortune cookie a few months ago and when I cracked it open and pulled out my fortune, it read, "Our first and last love is self love". I still have this taped to my computer at work as a little reminder to myself.
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